Closing date: 1st May 2005
The winner for this competition was David H, who’s amusing line about ‘‘I don’t know which end to point at the toilet’’ I think we can all relate too. All the entries were great, thanks to all who contributed.
Win a signed Virgin Atlantic sickbag. These are extremely rare…
...especially as mean old Virgin only sent me eight.
To win simply use the form below to share the details of the last time you were sick and why.
The funniest answer will win.
last time I was sick…
the morning after the drunken night before, fell asleep on my sink… nobody thought to wake me - my family are clearly bastards…
i didn’t find it funny, they did, which only confounds my ‘bastard’ thoeries on them.
ah ... I remember it well!
2 weekends ago we got together with our wacky neighbors and for some reason I cannot explain I decided to dance with a 5th of Vodka into the wee hours of the night. (mind you I’m only 5’5” and have no business being left alone with a bottle of Vodka let alone trying to woo it all night long) I was perfectly fine, mind you, until about 2 a.m. when the Vodka came from behind and won the Disco Dance Off. I vaguely remember stumbling up their basement stairs muttering excuses and goodbyes ... then weaving my way home as my husband laughed at me. (we only live next door but that night it seemed like a million miles to our front door)
The night ended with me crying in the bathroom for 2 hours while my husband struggled to convince me that bed was the best place for me. I woke up the next morning with a bruised forehead and sternum, from laying it on the toilet seat all night, and the feeling that any minute I might die from alcohol poisoning. I had that lovely eau de vodka smell eminating from every poor and a fetching green cast to my face.
remember people ... never disco with the vodka ... he always wins!
I recently became sick after a rather embarassing incident involving my newborn son, Aaron. Being new to the whole “dad” thing, I’m not used to being up at 4 a.m. changing diapers and feeding the baby. After about a month of doing this constantly, a fella can get rather tired. One night last week at around 2:30 a.m. I was so beat that while feeding my son, I had become rather thirsty. After I raided the fridge for some milk, I was just about to crash right there on the kitchen floor..had it not been for the fact that the milk I had just poured into my glass wasn’t 2 weeks expired!! Needless to say that I had to quickly set my son down in his crib before running to the bathroom and…blessing the toilet with sour milk!!
Went out for a couple of cheap drinks…
...got a lift from my dad back home…
...got to our driveway…
...got out the car…
...and then proceeded to empty the contents of my stomach into one of my mum’s beautiful flower beds!
It was late last year when a few friends and I decided to hit the town hard with the good old beers!
On the way home we did the ritual stop off at KFC. Later at home, after a large KFC chips, I found myself hanging over the kitchen sink spewing full chunks of chips. It was that chunky that I could hardly breath!!
I have never eaten KFC chips when drunk since…
I remember perfectly the last time I was sick. It was after going out for mexican food with my mother in law. (I had no choice my wife mad me!) Anyways I had the 2 burrito 2 taco 1 dish of refried beans meal. (Whew was that a mistake.) I don’t know if it was food poisioning or is the food was just so disgusting but i ended up staying in bed for 3 days!! Wich during the time i hallucinated and saw these basket ball player floating aorund me the and they were being mean. :-( ....
went out with friend in bali..
..drink"arak” tradional drink in bali..got very drunk..clubbing in dhyana pura…didn’t remember anything…wake up in the big desk of someone studio that i don’t know..the staff wake me up and all his said…“kenken blih”
The night of the performance, a friend asked me to play the lights and sound at her play ” midsummer´s night dream”, got the cds, got aunderstood the lights, now whay on erath did I get to look for some grass to decorate “Puck´s” hair. When I got inside the thatre again, back from the park that lucly was just across the street I smell this crapy thing, it was coming from my elvow…... vomit!!!! what?¿?¿? I though that was odd and extremely sick. Such a rush I didn´t know were it came from. But suddenly I was throwing up too, I never understood what happened.
I was sick when on the way back of my snowboard trip I saw that we had a woman driver, in holland we say:“girls behind the wheel, blood on the wall(that rhymes in dutch:D)”, anyway…I also had the bummer that I and my girlfriend got seat numbers 1 and 2,that’s the 2 seats on the top floor right infront a big window so you can see everything….Well driving back(we where in Valfrejus, France) we had to zig-zag down a mountain and every 180 degree corner it was just going right, so everybody was quiet. Anyway at a certain point the bus got stuck, the bottom of it, cause the bitch took a to big of a angle to take the corner, so being above the driver and infront of a hugde window, we saw the cliff of the mountain comming very close and we hang there for like 15 minutes, then I had a point that the bus would fall down the mountain, I must say, I didn’t feel all that happy in my stommack:(
I vomit all the time, I have a problem with my stomach, at least a couple of
times a day, especially when I smoke cigarettes.
I only vomit little bits at a time though.
Its quite strange when Im talking to friends or a girl that I fancy and I gag and a french frie comes outta my mouth.
Friend’s house. Cocktail party.
I’ve seen well stocked bars with fewer bottles of spirits than his kitchen had that night. Kitchen people invent new drinks, everyone gets bolloxed. 5 hours pass…
Something milky and sweet is handed to me. Yum! I knock it back. It had about four fingers of gin in it. My skin turns a shade goths would envy, and I rush to the bathroom with my entire digestive tract cursing as only it knows how.
I don’t know which end to point at the toilet. I alternate, but nothing happens. Memory fades. Somehow I end up on the landing, semi-conscious, naked, rolling in my own sick.
My last recollections upon being bundled into a spare bed are thinking “Wow, at least I remembered to turn my head to the side”, and everyone saying “Don’t be embarassed, it just means you belong”.
Visiting an old friend in Nagoya, was taken out to a local okonomi-yaki (Japanese pancake/pizza) joint. Shared one with cabbage, yam, oysters & Worcester sauce. Perhaps not the most immediately appealing of mixes.
Returned to his home later that evening, began powerful vomiting. And again. And again. Ever twenty minutes for fifteen hours.
Weakened and groggy, decided I should get home to Tokyo sharpish. Puked in the taxi to Nagoya train station. Hewked on the bullet train to Tokyo. Barfed on the subway to our suburb. All, of course, done with semi-dignified restraint into a series of small plastic supermarket bags - filled, tied off and dumped en route.
Sprayed the bathroom wall at home. Was driven to hospital the next morning. Heaved in the car. Liquid belches in the hospital reception area. Collapsed unconscious. Was rushed to Emergency. Spent three days on a drip, rehydrating.
A fortnight later, went shopping in Shibuya. Passed an okonimi-yaki joint. Smelled it. Puked. Three years on, can still remember that smell.
I personlised my John Burgerman sick bag on a Virgin Atlantic flight in January! Can I have a fresh one?
The last time i was sick was at my works christmas party…i must of been there an hour and i had been drinking the free wine given to us, i drank a bottle and a half and was quite drunk and towards the end of our meal the waiters brought over a jug with cream in for the pudding, i thought this was milk, and im my drunken state i poured myself a pint of ‘milk’ and downed it, i threw up all over the table, all over the floor, and went to the toilet and spent the rest of the evening throwing up in a urinal…....
i even threw up out of the coach window on the way home…..lol..
what a “merry’ christmas i had!!
mmm… my 16th birthday, after going for a meal with 10 friends to the place where the finest guy ever worked (not that i would plan to do that or anything!!)....all i really remember is that after a few drinks, i told this innocent young chap that i wanted his kids….after proceeding onto pudding, in my slightly tipsy state i continued to ask him “does that chocolate cake have chocolate in it?!?”...when we decided it was best to leave my dear friends decided it would be a laugh to fill out all the comment forms with “fit waiter” and write my name and number on the end. On returning home after a good evening (and a bottle of wine to myself) i felt slightly dizzy and luckily i was carefully guided to the sparkling clean sink to show it what a good evening i had.
it’s nice to know i have to see that poor guy every day after school….
It was a dark and stormy night.. I was 12 years old… I had Pickled Onion Monster Munch before I went up the wooden hill to bedfordshire. I woke up with a start… then proceeded to empty the contents of my stomach onto my bed… on the floor by my bed… on the landing.. in mum and dad’s room (I’d gone to tell them that I was being sick!) in the bath, the sink and finally the teeny weeny bit that I had left in me into the toilet…. I’ve not been allowed Monster Munch ever since… and I’m 30 now!
I awake in kitchen… time is butt-crack of dawn… standing… hands on stove for support… I feel great… I am drunk, but feel just right… What the hell am I doing in the kitchen??? I turn to go to bedroom… My feet step in vomit… WTF!!!! I see that puke covers 75% of kitchen floor… Ummm, what do I do?????? I grab closest thing I can find… I mop-up puke with roommates blankey… I sleep gooooooooood. Ahhhh, the college years…
shoulda never ate that flock of pelicans.
I was on my way home from a huge night in a taxi. Id stopped at 7/11 to get a drink of water and polished that off during the trip. I was about 10 minutes from my house and suddenly needed to hurl. Instead of asking the cab driver to pull over i put my mouth over the bottle and proceded to fill the bottle to the brim. Id kept it quiet so the cabbie didnt get suspicious. When finished I screwed the cap back on and went on my way with the cab driver none the wiser.
OK so all these stories are about getting drunk,
Well I got one too. So it was my birthday last December 24 and I always like to give it a big #### off because there are a whole three people about while the rest of the world is praying to god to save their blessed souls. Fools. Anyways not feeling sorry for myself I decided my friends would take me out on a night I would only half remember, most of this story was recited to me in the wake of the aftermath which was realized the following morning. Anyways, I quickly found a place to dine and drink where low and behold my beautiful friend was serving and thus the drowning began. I have no idea what I ate but it tasted great along with the champagne, red wine, 3-4 shots and a couple of beers. Mind you I still believe from time to time that mixing my alcohol is an excellent idea. Not long afterwards I found myself across the street loosing in a game of pool, not concerned because double fisting the shots and beer kept me plenty occupied, but I was being beaten by my roommate who plays no more than three times a year and I have never even come close to loosing to. After a couple games my memory fails, but still able to walk I visit a couple more bars. Little do I notice the N/A beer I am now being served on account of harassing a very large bouncer and forcefully stopping the women in my path with belligerent conversation. Why they continued to talk to me is beyond me but they say I had somehow mastered what I could and played it to my advantage. Of course I didn’t find myself a lovely partner for the night, nor do I think I was looking for one, but rather entertaining my friends who ceaselessly egged me. Still able to walk I carried my episode to my car, which my friend drove home. After being driven a few blocks I must have passed out and whalla!!, I was home asleep and being woken up by the person who was there to take me to the airport so that I might be on my way home to visit the family. Not knowing where I was I told him to #### off for waking me up because I was tired. Convincing myself I had no plane flight I went back to sleep. Well needless to say I missed the plane and my family who all gathered on my behalf 600 some odd miles away. However I did manage to make the next flight, and rushing to my car, whose sight brought back the whole mess, I was stopped in my tracks to find it half covered in puke, and I mean some of those chunks were holding on for dear life knowing the gutter they should have ended up in. To my surprise each person that I mentioned the puke to only laughed and muttered “you should have seen the car you were throwing up on.” I have no idea what they are talking about but it must have been bad, not to mention I haven’t been sick since. Well as winded as this might be it has helped me cope with the incident and thank you for making it all the way through it. This is the only written record of the account so cherish it for what it is worth.
Friday night after work and our office normally goes for drinks… Being in London its like a rush to get drunk first.. no dinner, straight to the pub and straight into the bevvies. My boyfriend and I (we work & live together) are going beer for beer with the rest of our office. As you do. By about 10ish its strictly the hardcore crew and the shooters are being brought out. Sambuca, tequila, you name it we are drinking it. This is all fine, we’re having a laugh until we get on the tube. Now normally Im fine on the tube but the rocking and thundering noise are getting to us both. By Lancaster Gate we are feeling particularly green. Not wanting to spew on the train, we hope off, where I daintily empty the contents of my stomach into a plastic bag. I didn’t even spill a drop. Feeling a lot better I say to my boyfriend lets get back on the train but now he is looking particularly green. Ive never seen him spew before and thank God for that because he sprays the entire end of the station with the 3 biggest power spews I’ve ever seen. I place my plastic bag in the corner (of spew) and we hope back on. You know what they say, a couple that spews together stays together!
About a month ago my kitten decided to take a crud on my pillow at night while I was sleeping. It obveousely tried to bury it because was making skratching noises by my ear and woke me up, I smelt it and imediately started vomiting next to my bed. thing was, my friend was sleeping on a matress on the floor next to my bed so the dude was covered in a nights worth of tequila shots and nobody sleeps on the matress anymore, the end.
The last time I was sick wasnt funny at all. Just a standard head in the toilet incident. I did realise though from that incident that those powerball toilet thingys sure do a good job. Highly recommend them.
Funny time though was a few weeks ago. I had to much to drink and really wanted to go home. Just when I was proper down and out I spent my last few pounds missing my bus home. I had to call my dad, really didnt want to do that but hell it beat sitting in a bus shelter any longer. He came to lift me and spent the journey ranting on about it, really started to get to me because the alcohol was really starting to kick in. By the time I got home I was just about f*cked to be honest, I almost passed out in the driveway so my dad helped me in to house. I needed to be sick, so I was. I was sick on my dad.
To be honest I aimed at him. It was intentional. Not my proudest moment I admit.
I cant really think of a reason for having a john burgerman sickbag of my own. I guess I would just look at it or something. I could put on it my wall and just contemplate. Hell now I really want one. I could even keep stuff in it. Jes what a great idea burgermen sickbags were. Those virgin dudes sure got it figured out.
I got sick the day of my mid-term, and then suddenly, the very next day, I was all better!
How do you explain that?!
After a long day of stickering the town and a night of drinking and eating in philly one night, we had a nacho and wing eating contest at the hard rock cafe.
we then took the train back into town, a hour long ride. while waiting for the train to come it was delayed and i started to feel sick downstairs. no time to run up to the bathroom. so we got on the packed train! my stomach was killing me. i was in great pain. no bathrooms on the train i stood up to walk off the pain. then i said #### it, i farted big time, over and over again. the smell filled the car. my friends on the other end knew it was me. they laughed and giggled the whole time. i had to lay down…when we finally got home, i ran inside to the bathroom and stayed there long enough to read a dictionary instead of the newspaper!
me and 3 friends were on an island called Bornholm experiencing cabin fever and we thought getting some booze will help. It did, but i made the mistake of actualy going to sleep in a tent with a friend. All i can remember is feeling very sick. The waking up was harsh, all i could see was the insided of the tent completely messed up with the insides of my stomach. Unfortunately, some landed on my friends face and particularly hair. When he woke up, he made the mistake of actually scratching his head. After a brief pause to inspect the situation, he said:“Is this yours or mine?”
again alcohol related…..but here it goes
‘tis was a night one will never forget as a young traveller. Boarding a plane at heathrow to Eastern Europe I felt somewhat thirsty…..free drink iIcried as the oh so friendly cabin staff shuffled up and down…fetching such fine liquids.
One then another and some salty food (what is that all about?) more I cried….oh the freedom.
Has someone turned the temperature up in here??? The plane dips and tucks….onward! onward! more more….ok you get the picture.
By the time the flying bird had landed….well I was pissed as a newt…and in what seemed a strange and un chartered country (come on I was young) things were getting somewhat trippy. Through customs…what are they saying>? speak english man! Through to baggage pick up….stomach stomach i am going to throw…..need a toilet…quick…
YES!!! I see one….running running through doors…its on its way…..omg….
#### ! I run straight into the toilet door only to realise you NEED TO PAY MONEY TO PISS HERE!!
TO LATE I THREW UP ALL OVER THE DOOR, FLOOR, MYSELF ETC ETC.
Damn the un-experienced traveller….....and damn needing to pay to piss….??
the last time I was sick was one of the most embarassing times of my life.
I was working at twycross zoo, in the cafeteria there, which is a grotty greasy spoon at the best of times.
I was only clearing tables there and occasionally giving orders out to people.
my brother had come down with a stomach bug and was pretty ill the day before, anyway half way through the morning I started feeling really shakey, so I was glad when lunch came round.
It was a really hot summers day and the cafeteria was packed, so a break for lunch was needed - stupidly, i got a burger and chips from the kitchen for my lunch, thinking i was feeling unwell becasue I hadn’t eaten.
back after my break the sun was at its hottest, the sweating tourists came in buying ice cream and sitting on the picknick benches of the veranda at the front of the cafe, under parasoles. Families enjoying the gorgeous weather and spending the day out with each other.
there was a lot of rubbish on the floor from people dropping their ice cream wrappers so I was given the task of cleaning up.. this was a couple of hours after my lunch.
I was working in the blistering heat of the summer, with no shade, and began to feel really..really bad.
suddenly, and without warning I spilled the lunch I had eaten from the cafeteria I worked in all over the verdana, right infornt of the picknicking tourists enjoying their food and having a lovely day at the zoo.
the only comment i got was a sarcastic ‘nice’ from some bloke, and a lot of turned heads.
needless to say, i embarassed both myself and my boss, who wasnt happy, clearing my sick up from the front of the cafeteria, quite clearly with chunks of the food she sold in it.
In a mop bucket, in the corridor of my student flat practically out side the toilet, (I was too drunk to get up so couldnt get to the toilet). Afterwards I felt a lot better and proceeded to dance around telling everyone I was sick and showing who ever wanted to see, my sick in the bucket…nice
Last time i was sick….
I got really drunk (typical), and ended up snogging a ginger bird (this was about 1996-7, i was young and stupid!!!), anyway, i had 8 bottles of diamond ice and 2 special brew (boy was i brave!!!), so after the ginger bird incident, I managed to find two of my mates (belly starts to feel dodgy!)... walked towareds a taxi rank (approx 1 mile - stomach now bubbling over..) and waited about 5 minutes when i started to projectile vomit over a bin… after the contents of my stomach were empty, i continued to be sick or at least my stomach thought so (we call it the ‘dry boke’ up here).
So not only was I not allowed in a taxi my two so-called mates left me there, as I was in no fit state to walk home. (5 miles)
So I managed to get to the train station where there was a wee water fountain thingy for drinking, so I managed to swallow some and clean myself up… and eventually get in a taxi 1 and a half hour later…
Good as new.
Moral of this story…
Never touch a drop of special brew (unless you want to get hammered, in which case my prefrence nowadays is glayva+baileys on the rocks! )
I threw up on the iron. It smelt like Fish & Chips.
last time i was sick - ok it was like 5 years ago i had eaten loads of PINK-fizzy-sherbert i think i must been stupid to have drunk a can of coke, but i did! and yes you guessed it there was a reaction (as you can imagine in my tummy) i still dont know why i did it but anyway i puked PINK-puke - it was impressive not because of the colour but cos it still was fizzing - that is my puke story hope you liked - peace out
... was obviously st. patricks day. i, being not of irish descent but possessing freckles, green shoes, and a need to party hard before my 9:00 class set out in search of a night so irish james joyce would be impressed. instead, i ended up at an englishman’s party in the east village, drinking mojitos. a lot of mojitos. i wobbled home after a few hours, sat down at my computer, and took a deep breath. somehow realizing my nausea in such a deliorious state, i picked up my roommate’s trash can and un-drank those mojitos. after the deed was done, i quietly got up, took out the trash, threw it down the chute, and calmly sat back down. and i only know all this because my roommate told me.
Last time I was sick…
I had the flu for a week and a half but still managed to make it to my classes. This particular day was when I got one of my papers back from the TA. I got a dissapointing C on a what I thought was at least a B- work. I went up to my TA to complain and all the time I was lookin at her like I was about to hawk a loogie on her. And believe me I felt that loogie comin up on me. Dont even worry about me missing the target cuz this little piggy suffice it to say was dining on the front end of the trough (she was fat). I could tell she noticed cuz she backed away a little bit a couple of times. Anyways I got out of class with no luck on having her reconsider that appalling C she gave me. Right when I got out through the door I had that feeling again and before you know it i was hawking out green phlegm all over campus. I couldnt contain it. Right when I was about to launch another one I noticed a couple of people comin my way. So i held that loogie for what seemed forever. And it wasnt easy. I felt it swimming in my tongue, digging itself into my taste buds, and killing my sense of taste. I couldnt take it so I stored that sucker in my cheeks until I could find a more private place. So there I was desperately running for a trash can with a loogie lump in my cheeks while trying not to get any unwanted attention.
ahhh throwing up… my favourite past time!!!
Hmm… me thinks the last time was new years eve…(a long time ago i know! but ive been a good boy with the alcohol recently)
Anyway the story goes…(well what i can remember)
It was nye and I was round at a friends in his bed… with lots of women!!(hmm i lie… it was one lady and two guys:-()
anyhooo… after a few too many glugs(or bottles) of jack daniels and a bottle of pink champagne!(YES I am in touch with my feminine side) it came time to release the juices!!
hmm seems the only thing at hand was a full lego bucket… also known as my friends little brother’s christmas present he got a few days earlier… hmmmm anyway me being a heartless bugger… i just went with the flow and painted the lego bricks a new brown/green/odd colour!:-D YUM!
few days later it seems my friends little brother is building a lego thing… harry potter i think!? I have to say tho… the hogwarts castle smelt a bit odd… who knows why!?... OOPS!... poor little kid isnt too keen on harry potter now!:(
well i really don’t remember the last time i was sick but just because i have a poor memory doesn t mean i can’t try and win a barfbag… i just hope i won’t need if i get it, hate to store warm semi liquid food in it…
word from the wise: urinal cakes, ...... not like regular cakes.
your site is the shizzle man!
last time i felt sick….
the nice’n'smooth concert in PARADISO amsterdam a while back….we had been drinking beer and smoking some weed for a while when the show started. My oldschool heroes were on stage for about one minute when i got hit with this strange feeling in my gut…i told my friends i had to pee really bad and rushed towards the exit…i was halfway there when everything faded to black….when i regained my sight, i was looking this strange man in his eyes while forcefully holding on to his striped t-shirt in a desperate attempt to stay on my feet…“you alright?” he asked. all i could do was smile sheepishly and nod….again.. i proceeded towards the exit…fade to black….i woke up on my knees with my right cheek on the floor and my butt in the air while a dozen people were standing over me, theorizing over what was wrong with me…i got up as quickly as possible, pretending all was well…by now the exit was really close…so i confidently rushed for the door…convinced some fresh air would do the trick….again…fade to black….next thing i remember, i woke up on a stretcher with a friendly looking older woman sitting next to me…having absolutely no idea where i was…she informed me i was backstage and offered me a paper cup of water…“just relax a bit” she said…so i did….after a while she asked me to go though, because they were bringing some other kid in who needed some medical attention. i walked around backstage for a while and eventually found my way back to my friends….i told em i couldn’t find them anymore after my visit to the loo…somehow they assumed i must have met up with some girl…i kinda liked how that version made me look cool, so i left it like that…(hehe) we danced for the rest of the night and tried to chat up some girls…we went home around five…in the train i discovered i had been walking around with this big black stain on my right cheek….the floor in PARADISO is very dirty, so it’s best not to put your face on it…ha!
my friend said he did notice something weird about my face, but he thought it was some weird shadow or something….i explained the stain by telling him i tripped on the stairs and fell….off course by now i have told everybody the truth…couldn’t keep the story to myself anymore…it’s a nice story right?!
so i didn’t actually puke…but hey..
Another Brilliant Idea…
2 Gallons Red Wine…
2 Gallons Orange Juice…
1 Handle of Vodka…
***only supposed to add a bit of vodka…not a handle***
Add 50 of your closest friends, none of which will drink this potent punch from hell…
Feel obligated to drink alot of it because you spent nearly $60 to create said hell…
...and reap the benefits…
Alot of purple stuff on your deck @ 3:00am…
And your propper roomates placing you inside a trashcan, and then putting the trashcan in your bed.
...and finally, awake the next morning in a glorious state of piss poor life.
Sincerely - Taylor Twist
hmmm….my most memorable puke and I do mean memorable since it happened when I was in kindergarten(what,about 4-5 years old?)was when we were having a concert rehearsal. Here we were,all the little kids,dressed up and in position. We stood in rows on 3 tiered benches,something like the ones you see in the baseball field. I think I stood in the 3rd row from the front.All was well and we were in the middle of rehearsal when the unthinkable happened-my friend who was beside me threw up. As the others scrambled of in horror,I blinked at the mess and the next thing I knew I was throwing up before you can say “teacher”! Pandemonium struck,and the teachers hurried to separate us and get us cleaned up before a epidemical chain reaction of throw up ensued….ewww…(reminds me of the green pea soup melee in scary movie 2..or was it 1?)
When I was in diapers, my parents remind me, they were awakened by my loud mouth only to find that I discovered the diarhea in my pants and was smearing it on the wall like a regular Van Gogh and spreading it like face cream. They thought is was funny.
Must have been about seven years ago…
Me and a mate were bored on holiday so decided to down as many pints as we could in 15 minutes.
We reached four pints (I was 15 at the time)...
I mostly threw up eight times:
seven on a random street tree;
once on a girl’s hand.
i remember the last time i was sick clearly .. it was the night before a major exam and i needed to stay awake to cram as much information into my small brain. after the seventh red bull i began hallucinating chickens running across the room in front of me .. after the ninth red bull i woke up to find my notes covered in sick and the worst headache imaginable. needless to say i failed the exam and had to resit it .. im sure theres a lesson to be learnt there ...
Playing Star Wars drinking. Everytime Chewbacca groans throughout Return of The Jedi you must drink . That bastard whines an awful lot.
i was sick last night after eating a bad lamb.
The last time I puked was a couple of months back. My cat had diarrhea and although she went to her litter tray to take a dump, her ass must’ve been half out of the tray. So she shat this tar like poo goo all over the floor. I obviously couldn’t leave it there, so I got some kitchen paper and tried to wipe it up, but it was so sloppy that some of it soaked through the paper and on to my hand. This goo on my hand together with the stench, made me gip uncontrollably resulting in a large amount of vomit next to the cat poo.
last time i was sick….
ate a dodgy chicken kebab and had the brad pitts for 3 days, and in one instance spewed into me underpants while on the toilet…
I wise philosopher once suggested that there are few more pathetic sights in life than a grown man who has just ‘spilt the shopping’ on their own shoes…the bastard was right.
Mission objective: complete a 6 - 4 ft canvas painting over night with a hand in date of 10 am before an exhibition at 12.
Items: 2 packets of pro plus,
a large mug,
jar of cwarfee,
after many sketches of outlines and final planning it was time to crack on through the night in a marathon painting sesh. Knowing I really should have prepared for this a bit more, i was determined to get it done. downing cups of coffee like im some kind of snobby starbucks student meeting a colleague for lunch ‘oh yar darling sweety’ and popping some prop plus and intoxicating my body with as much caffeine too keep me awake for a fortnight, I felt myself start to shake and feel like I was coming up on acid. Strange words start splirting out my mouth and I begin to talk nonsense to my paint brush giving it a name and telling him it was goin to help me create a great piece.
Shaking even more now, my hands become uncontrollable and i can no longer concentrate on painting. Feeling my stomach churn I rush to the toilet approx 4am 30 mph whipping the tweeds down and dropping my ass on the freezing toilet seat, unleashing the dribbliest plop hotter than the apple in a boiling hot apple pie. Feeling slightly inverted and quivering the stomach begins to stir up again ‘theres not more to come is there?’ This time its different, it starts to rise and my stomach clenches. The pace seems to increase as I try to rush around. Grabbing a bucket which was conveniently placed next to the toilet from a night of drunken madness. A loud retching scream and a coffee and bile milkshake combo exits out my mouth. And then forces its way up through my nose and out my nostrils. Sitting on the toilet sweating out my eyes and leaking out of both ends, bucket in hand trousers round ankles. It was the most horrible thing that’s ever happened to me. What makes it funny was that I was in a friend’s house with parents present, and there were no holding back on the deafening noises coming from this once only toilet of doom! Got the piece handed in though, which was nice.
Every Year on mothers day, my mom wants some special treatment. as if she did anything but give me birth and hand me life. to say i love my mother would be true. but as all girls and there mothers.. me and my mother have a horrible relationship. so horrible that i get sick, sick to my stomach every year on that one day.
it’s been occuring since i was about 13 or 14 years old.
now at the age of 20, and soon to be 21, im wondering if its in my head or my stomach.. even tho ive puked my stomach contents out many a time.
i was about 15 when the most best/worst thing happened. me and the stepladder father took mommie dearest to this fancey restaurant. one of those places where a simple soda is like 4.50 and you get like 3 sips.
i felt sick most of the morning just tummy aches, and dizzy. we went to the restaurant and were escorted to our seats by a host with a nice butt. we all sit down and then do what youd do at a restaurant… i run to the bathroom in fear ill be ill, but nothing so i go back to my seat. i told my mother to order for me. i dont remember what i ordered but prolly pasta or something. we get our food and i feel sick again so i run to the bathroom.. but nothing… i feel on and off sick. but i go and sit back down. i started to eat my food, and my parents were almost done with theres.. theres always that akward moment where the waiter comes over and asks “hows your food?” and your mouth is full of food… and your like *mumble “fine” mumble* but no. i didnt do that.. instead.. i puked. yes. puked. all over my food. lucky for me, everyone saw. even the host with the nice butt. oh well. never went back there. *blarg*
happy mothers day mom. *pukes*
the last time i was sick was when i had gastroenteritis. which isn’t even funny. i think i’ve entered the wrong competition.
I had gas and i kept farting
and i went to basketball practise and i kept farting and burping and i couldnt play properly
and then later when my dog was licking my face i threw up on him
11 pints of larger - £27.50
3 shots of Sambuca - £4.50
Half a Kebeb and a can of coke - £3.75
Taxi home - £10
The look on your girlfriends face when she realises you’ve puked in her bed - PRICELESS
I NEED ONE! I NEED ONE!
I just visited prague for my birthday and on the way i felt sick so i gota sick bag out and YES, i chucked, not realising that someone had cut the bottom of the bag out, U SLACK B*D!!! (I’LL GET U) so i had to sit in mysick for ages, and then change at frankfurt into some horid shorts, PLEASE ENSURE THIS NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN!!!!
bret, p.s RRRRRREEEEEE TO CHRIS!!!
The words ‘Staff Party’ conjour up memories most of us would sooner forget. Wild drinking, outrageous behaviour (always impresses the boss!) and a generally sloppy ambience to your evening. Well, I can tell you this staff party was nothing if not reliable in producing a #### load of tanked up, sloppy drunk employees. Let me just add that we were all working at wimbledon tennis and had a 12hr day to look forward to after the party. Despite severe instances of mixing drinks, I can remember quite a lot about the evening. (a highlight being one of my friends puking on a naked guy on the floor by the bogs who’d just been assaulted by a stripper for his stag do! respect to that guy). Cut a long story short…two of us decided it be a great idea on the way out to stop for 4 slippery nipples each…yup thats a nice combination of baileys, sambca and grenadine to calm the stomach at the end of a hectic night. Next morning, was woken up and we all made it to work, feeling surprisingly peachy. After trying to eat a wimbledon bacon sarnie (affectionately known as the fat bap) and serving a few customers I had to exit mid transaction, the call of the porcelain bowl was strong! After realising that it was maybe a bad idea to eat or drink, and looking like some kind of hobo with wild hair, a crazed look in my eyes and having lost both flip-flops in the mad pilgrimmage to the bogs. This pattern of behaviour continued most of the morning and afternoon, the only resolve being the somewhat comic situation of my hobo-esque appearence in the company of celebrities and millionaires minus shoes or sanity (it being finals day 2004 at the tennis) . Needless to say they tried to send me home, I blagged my way outta that only to be confronted by the guy who let me stay in his house up near the common. I had literally coated his brothers room and expensive photography kit last night. I beleive the phrase he used was “fucking ankle deep”. This was the most horrible case of sleep-puking I have ever heard of, let a lone, playing the starring role in this twisted tale. I just couldn’t work out how I had missed this when I got up. I promised myself that day never to touch the devils-juice again…but if your asking…mines a stella!!
I went for a drink with a mate,
I wasn’t feeling too great,
I brought up some spew,
now my breath smells like poo,
it must have been something I ate.
why do fat guys always win at see saw…makes me sick!